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*THE PIPE BOMB* (puffs on pipe)
Bizzy: "The date is March 8th, 2003 and I'm not reporting a robbery this time -- but a mugging. No, strike that, I'm reporting BOTH. The victim wasn't robbed of money, victory, or any of his personal belongings -- but this young man was robbed of his pride and dignity sir."
911 Dispatcher: "I see...and where did the alleged assault/crime take place sir? And what type of weapon was the assailant brandishing?"
Bizzy: "It was supposed to be a lesuirely game of golf and a few rounds boxing, sir. As far as what type of weapon was being 'brandished', I couldn't tell you, but I can tell you that the weapon being used was a left hand. No, the weapon was not IN his left hand -- the weapon WAS his left hand."
911 Dispatcher: "Sir...I'm a bit confused. If this was a game of golf, perhaps charges could be pressed and an arrest made. But if this was a boxing match...isn't that kind of the point? And in what city did this occur?
Bizzy: "This went above and beyond a boxing match or a game of golf sir. You need to get somebody up here right away. I mean...this poor sob got hit like-a-brick-in-a-dark-bunker and beaten like a red-haired freckle-faced cross-eyed stepchild sir. The city is Hannover.
911 Dispatcher: "Hannover...??? Sir, I'm not aware of a Hannover in Washington State?"
Bizzy: "No, Hannover Germany sir."
911 Dispatcher: "Sir...Are you aware that this is a Seattle,Wa emergency line???"
Bizzy: "Yes. But I didn't have the number to the Hannover,Germany one. Listen, I don't have time for cities or semantics here. Are you going to get somebody over there or not?"
And so the frantic conversation went on that fateful evening. The next "Chosen One", hvy Wladimir Klitschko, was set to take on a nearly middle-aged part-time professional golfer/pugilist named Corrie Sanders in a slick little HBO showcase. But there was a more sinister plot that would become apparent within a mere few seconds into the 'exhibition'...
"The southpaw sandtrap."
Not more than 10 seconds after teeing off in an ominous dark bunker in the 1st hole, and while Wladimir casually reached into his golf bag in search of the proper tool, Mr. Sanders grabbed his sandwedge out of his, and out of a southpaw stance -- he proceeded to absolutely club the bejeesus out of his poor unsuspecting (and towering) young Ukranian golfing partner.
The assault was quick, vicious, and relentless.
WHACK! *with the left arm/sandwedge* WHACK! *again and again!*
Poor Vladdy was going up-and-down like a yo-yo, and spinning like-a-top.
So utterly discombobuated and shellshocked was the big Ukranian, he looked as if he had never engaged in battle with a southpaw before, or perhaps never even stepped into a professional prizefighting ring.
He looked about as confused and clueless as a young puppy seeing it's own reflection in the miror for the first time. About as awkward as one who tries to back up a trailer for the first time; everything he did was ass-backwards, and 'objects' were coming up out of nowhere.
Conversely, everything Sanders did was right, not too mention every left he through was "right". As in; right smack in the piehole of young Mr.Klitschko! A drunken and wobbly Wladdy somehow managed to make it to the "2nd hole", but he was seeing "birdies", and the match was soon mercifully called off.
Corrie "The Southpaw" Sanders had pulled off the big upset.
...So why in the world do I bring this up NOW??? Well, low and behold, there is now a contender that - in some ways - brings back some eerie reminders of Sanders and that fateful night. His name?
SULTAN IBRAGIMOV.
Like Sanders, Sultan is a southpaw, has unusually fast hands, weighs 220 pounds, and can 'pop'. Now, Sanders was a few inches taller than him, his reach a few inches longer, and probably hit a tad bit harder than Sultan, but Sultan is also arguably a better and more well-rounded boxer than was Corrie, is younger, and almost undoubtedly has better stamina.
So what do you folks think? Does Wladimir make short work of this ball and quickly 'sink an eagle' or a hole-in-one? Or does he get lured into the "southpaw sandtrap" by the "Sultan of swing", and get whacked with another shocking 'double bogey'?
"FORE!"
*Bizzy On Boxing*
(2007)
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